Despite its aggressive title, this post is written only with love. Yes, there are some selfish reasons I would love for all my patients to be sunshiney rainbows, but honestly I am trying to help YOU, dear reader. If you are a patient that medical providers enjoy treating, and you make me smile fondly when your name pops up on my appointment list, you will receive better medical care. If you are an obnoxious, pessimistic dick, I will rush through our appointments together in an effort to save my sanity and empathy for a more pleasant patient. This post is designed to help you forgo the latter description and become the type of patient that reminds doctors why they wanted to help people in the first place.
1. Don’t use a dramatic pain scale to try and impress me or get my attention. If you tell me your pain is 11/10, I instantly a) don’t believe you, unless you are sweating profusely, crying, and/or begging me to remove the offending limb from your body and b) am annoyed. Your pain may be astronomical right now, but this number is better reserved for the ER or labor and delivery, not physical therapy.
THIS is an 11/10
2. Don’t tell me your pain is really high today, but you have tried nothing to relieve it. This goes along with rule number (1). Telling me you have tried literally nothing to reduce your pain means it cannot be that bad. Ice? Heat? Aleve? Lying in bed with soothing ocean sounds and lavender incense? If I had 10/10 pain, I would eat dirt if I thought that would help, so telling me you have tried nothing also tells me the pain can’t be all that bad. On the flip side, if you can name me 2-3 exercises or stretches you’ve already tried, and how you felt afterwards, we have a solid place to start our treatment program and I won’t waste any of your time trying out the basics. Less wasted time = faster results.
I bet this girl has no pain.
3. Give me a chance. If you walk in to my office and tell me you are only seeing me because your doctor is forcing you, or you already know you want surgery, guess what? You’re going to get surgery! Nothing I can offer you will help, because you have already made up your mind that it won’t. According to many studies, including this (old, but) cool dissertation on the mind-body connection and clinical outcomes, “Elevated optimism correlates with…action, perseverance, and enhanced goal acquisition, whereas lower outcome expectancies correlate with lower performance, elevated depression, and diminished health recovery rates.” Essentially, if you remain open-minded that physical therapy can help you, it probably can! But if you are sure it won’t help you, it definitely won’t.
Glass half full.
No one enjoys coming to see me, but let’s make it as painless as possible. In the immortal words of Cuba Gooding Jr., “help ME help YOU!”…and don’t be a dick.